I had a really interesting argument with someone today over a simple question - should the guy pay on the first date? I spent a couple of hours reading people's perspectives on the issue, and most people seem to believe that he should. A couple of girls, even said that they wouldn't go on a second date if he didn't. Maybe I'm friends with golddiggers, but it seems to be a pretty prevalent attitude.One alternate view holds that the person asking should pay. In our culture the man nearly always has to be the approacher, so in my opinion that view is moot.
So, now I'm really curious. Should the guy pay on the first date?
Pretend for a moment that I meet you on the street, we chat for a couple of minutes, I get your number and we agree to meet for dinner. Dinner comes, we have a great time, and then the CHECK arrives. I would suggest that we split it. Because...
I say no, for four reasons:
1. Paying puts me in a position of supplication. It makes me feel like I am sucking up to you to get your affection. I don't do that. I want someone who I respect, and I want to be respected. Successful relationships require mutual respect. Sucking up has never gained anyone respect. I don't want you to do it, and I won't do it to you.
2. I respect you. I am not going to try to manipulate you or buy your affection in any way. When you think about it, I would only be paying for you because I want something out of you, be it a second date, or simply your approval. Paying is bait, and I like you too much to pull that kind of crap on you.
3. I don't want to pressure you. I like you for you. I like spending time with you, because I enjoy your company. I would love to continue our relationship, but I'm not trying to get something out of you. Paying implies that I am paying for something... which I am not.
4. Finally, it is very important to me that are going out with me because you enjoy being with me. I don't want to waste your time, or my time. If you are not enjoying my company, then we shouldn't be together. If I pay, then how do I know you're not going out with me at least partially because there are freebies involved. I need to know that you simply enjoy being with me, I need to know that you like me for me.
