I had a really interesting argument with someone today over a simple question - should the guy pay on the first date? I spent a couple of hours reading people's perspectives on the issue, and most people seem to believe that he should. A couple of girls, even said that they wouldn't go on a second date if he didn't. Maybe I'm friends with golddiggers, but it seems to be a pretty prevalent attitude.One alternate view holds that the person asking should pay. In our culture the man nearly always has to be the approacher, so in my opinion that view is moot.
So, now I'm really curious. Should the guy pay on the first date?
Pretend for a moment that I meet you on the street, we chat for a couple of minutes, I get your number and we agree to meet for dinner. Dinner comes, we have a great time, and then the CHECK arrives. I would suggest that we split it. Because...
I say no, for four reasons:
1. Paying puts me in a position of supplication. It makes me feel like I am sucking up to you to get your affection. I don't do that. I want someone who I respect, and I want to be respected. Successful relationships require mutual respect. Sucking up has never gained anyone respect. I don't want you to do it, and I won't do it to you.
2. I respect you. I am not going to try to manipulate you or buy your affection in any way. When you think about it, I would only be paying for you because I want something out of you, be it a second date, or simply your approval. Paying is bait, and I like you too much to pull that kind of crap on you.
3. I don't want to pressure you. I like you for you. I like spending time with you, because I enjoy your company. I would love to continue our relationship, but I'm not trying to get something out of you. Paying implies that I am paying for something... which I am not.
4. Finally, it is very important to me that are going out with me because you enjoy being with me. I don't want to waste your time, or my time. If you are not enjoying my company, then we shouldn't be together. If I pay, then how do I know you're not going out with me at least partially because there are freebies involved. I need to know that you simply enjoy being with me, I need to know that you like me for me.
8 comments:
So far I have a 100% of the votes lol... I'm all for 50/50... or maybe you finding a girl who will ask you out and then pay... They exist...
-Cyn
i always heard it was the guy who pays... of course if i did it 50/50 it would be a whole lot more enjoyable....have money for the next date... also wouldn't have to worry about having money for the next date!
What's wrong with giving somebody
something without expecting something back?
That's charity, not dating.
Men are from Mars, women are from Venus.
.....and im from Jupiter!!!
i usually offer to pay most of the time just out of habit, but having not been on many dates myself, i would go with the 5050 route for a trip to starbux. hey you are just getting to know her right? ; ) no strings attached, but be a gentleman.
-David k
Definitely no payment, if not for the reasons you mentioned, the fact that they love holding their affection over our heads
-Steve
I usually go prepared to pay for it all (and I'm a chick!). There is no reason for the guy to pay just because he's the one who asked and I don't want him feeling like I owe him my attention because of it.
I generally don't mind paying for both of us. It's not about power or manipulation, it's just that I don't hold too much stock in money or who pays. If I have the money to spend on dinner I will. If I don't, I will let them know before and we can find another time, if they aren't willing to shout. If they want to split the bill, fine by me.
People get so caught up on who pays, It cracks me up. It's only money and at the end of a good date you won't even care if you have to pay.
If all else fails, take the girl for a walk in the park....no one needs to pay, its way more fun than dinner, and easy to run away if things go bad!
Speech over.
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